“Woman is your mother”
A friend of mine told me today that even if she stayed
over at a guy’s place after a wild night in the city she didn’t sleep with
him..I took a second to reply.I traveled my thoughts beyond the first impuls of
forming an impression based on social cliches or patternalis ideeas and
answered: that is ok only if you thing it’s ok.. And there in a little phrase I
freed myself from being judgmental this time.
I, and like me many others, oftenly promote a person’s right to be whoever they wanna be and not have to face discredit for some actions that don’t, in essence harm anyone, but end up damaging their own image because they don’t comply with socially inflicted ideas or patterns the society shares. I am not a femminist, not in the theoretial way. But I strongly belive that a gril is free to be what,when, where she wants to be as long as she does not creat discomfort to others. It’s one of privat law’s basic princilpes: you are free to act in any way you like as long as the results of your actions don’t limit or perturb other person’s same right and freedoms.
So now in the 21st century we can actually become aware of the social influence, of the level we allow it to form our opinion. We should therefor learn to separate what we believe, from what we are inlficted to belive. We ought to be able to spot preconceved traces in our mentallity, try to free our mind and create thoughts and impresions based on particular cases so that we would be precise, fair and progressive.
From the beginning, we should be clear on something: not expect for everyone to have this ability. It is obvious only some lairs of society can acess this level of development closly linked to education, economic wellfare, freedom and equality. I have to say that this rules apply in democratic liberal contexts as traditionalist closed religious or underdevelopped societies are rigid and obey other rules. Still we cannot give up beliving we can make a difference even there, because we should cultivate within ourselvs a dose of altruism and aim to support members of such societis, as they are in fact the ones that endure the most suffering. However we should practice this strategy on our society first of all.
Start with lesson one and then proceed to more challenging tasks, because if you think about it, how can you, for example, act and convince members of a muslim society about the freedom and equality of women, if u fail in a democratic one to make the averrage working woman to assume her role and enjoy her already institutionalised rights?
If we, the women of the 21st century living in a context of dazzling progress and groundbraking developpment that enhances the dimention of freedom and equality don’t benefit and make use of this premises, then who else? From where else can we expect such behaviour and initiatives? It is a task that we have to assume and exploit the opportunities we were given. We should do it for ourselvs, for our contemporane siblings that do not share the same benefits of western society and nontheless for our future generation.
Imagine we were once the future. Would we have been here today, would we have had the chance to govern banks, represent countries, stand for our rights, be treated with respect, develop profesionally, acess education and progress, be independent and selfsufficient, free from the rough judgment of society, strong against abuse, if our mothers and grandmothers had not given voice to this, had not pushed the line to something that then seemed close to impossible and absurd? would we have stood today with the right to choose our future, our lifestyle if the past generation had been selfish, scared or just too lazy to care? We are not the ones cutting through to penetrate a virginland. We are the next generation that has a path to walk on, a built framework and even directions, all we have to do is to continue widing this road, institutionilising it and building maps for the women everywhere in the rold to find their way.
If our predecessore acussed of mad feminism fought to build with their own bare hands in a much more strict society this road we are strawling in a short skirt making money, having the luxury to sue for sexual offence of punish for sexist discrimination anyone that might contest our abilities how can we not assume our responsibility to participate in this mission and take it beyond?
I am not saing things are easy now, but they are uncomparably a lot more cffordable and accessible due to progress made in the past. The seed was planted, cropped and cared for by the women of the western societies of the 20th century. It is our dutie to spread growth, to support eachother and extend our freedoms to sectors of the world where women suffer from being trapped in closed patterns that limit their personality, their dreams and expectation, because maybe the worst thing inficted on women is not the outside disconsideration, the lower salaries, the silent violence, the inferiority with wich they are faced by others or the limited chances or expectations they are given. Maybe, probably, the biggest damage is the ideology planted in our conscience since as long as we can remember, that we have to be, act, dream, expect certain things, in a certain way. It is the infliction of ideas that we most of the time adopt as if they were our own and when our true selves come into conflict with them we are frustrated by guilt, by the need to be different( as in fact we obviously are) and we compromise struggling to fit in the corset designed by outside others as if being our own.
Symbolically I shall reffer to the story of cinderella, a personal favourite I confess, where the elder systers gelously and desperately try to fit their feet inside a shoe that does not fit them, willing to even cut their fingers to match it so that they would benefit from something that obviously was not theirs, nor had they ever owned or in fact desired but that had great value as everyone else desired it: the prince.
That prince never spoke to them, never caressed them, never charmed them, nor made love to them. As far as we know that prince could be gay or might not even get it up, or as the story tells us is in love with another woman, cinderella. So why in god’s name would you chop your foot for something you don’t even truly know or understand?? It’s because you don’t desire the prince, but what the prince stands for: wealth, status..and ofcourse the most important: marriage. The essence of all women.. to become wifes. The better the man the better the woman next to him. It does not count who u are, if u get a good marriage all is fixed, and the opposite, no matter what u stand for if u marry the wrong person your values as an individual are eclipsed u are pittied and u become are a failure. So the prince guarantees the social status and we can all live happily ever after..right? well see that’s why the stories all end there.. and never say what happens after. No one tells you how to tackle with the afterworld, with problems that you face when you in fact realise you have followed a dream that was not yours, but your parent’s or grandparent’s or society’s in general. When u finally realise that you are casting in someone elses’s moovie, that you have not even written a script of your own cus you were to busy dealing with the things that led you to belive that are best for you.
And then comes the unvailing. Then, you look deep inside to find yourself. And when you do you can either turn the spotlights on and star in your lifestory with all the difficulties and responsabilities that this action involves, or you can just carry on acting a given role, reduce yourself from even questioning your ego about it’s wants and needs and exist as many others in the frameork of a life that is expected of you. You will live a calm apparence, but the screams, saughts and sorrow inside will be heard just by you and your life will be wasted away not someone elses’.
But it takes stregnht to brake out, it takes courrage to listen and to follow your path because all your life you were carried to different roads so now you have to learn to walk on your own, on your atrofiated legs. But if you do, you will eventually find your story, fall in love with your own prince, build your own castle, have or not offsprings, live in sin or in paradise, paint your life in your own colours. And it won’t be easy, but when you lie to sleep at night you will be comforted by the excitement of your own authentic story that even if not a box office hit, it will give you the satisfaction that you are not, nor tried to walk in someone else’s shoes.
So do you want women everywhere to hear your story? Do you want them to dare and live their own, and share with them the experience of being set free? Do you care? You should, because there are so many amazing stories that were not told and we can help give voice to them, give voice to the woman inside every woman. Help her find satisfaction, help her read, help her dream. Stop her from suffering, be patient with her because she will first fear you as you are bringing a revolution that will shake her existance as she knows it, and be by her side when she will take her first steps on her own as newborn dear discovering the world.
It will not be easy, it will not happen over night, there will be more denial and refusal then positive replies but we have to do this for us, for our daughters and for mothers and grandmothers that dared to tell the world a new story: Woman is your mother. Love her, apprecite her, support her and let her show you she is so much more.
